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Dining on the beach. Who doesn’t like the sound of that? If you raised your hand, please go and promptly fuck yourself, ya damn killjoy. So here we go in a $17 cab ride that almost had to go off-roading to get there, down by the airport for our beach dining experience. I LOVE off the beaten path spots in cool locations. Dinner on the beach with my love. Except I’m an idiot and booked the reservation too late and we couldn’t get a table on the beach. On the deck yes, but not the beach at sunset.

Dammit.

Then the gods smiled on me and it was overcast and you couldn’t see the damn glowing orb in the sky. See, I win..again…

What I did see was a great seating area on the beach. Like tables, chairs and bare feet galore on the beach. Great setup and the folks who booked an appropriate number of days in advance looked quite pleased with their seat. Thankfully we got a two top on the rail of the deck, in a spot with the open sky above, and all was right in the world. Also on the deck were seats that had sand underfoot, like dining in a sandbox, but without the cat poop and kids toys that so often take over such a site. Did I mention we were here to eat?

Feeling a bit full from a late afternoon snack of fried fish pieces and cocktails, it felt like something on the lighter side would be appropriate, lest we literally fall out of our pants. We were greeted quickly with glasses of champagne as someone knew we were honeymooning (so using that on future trips). We then perused the wine list and settled on a Spanish white (Deusa Nai, Albarino, Rias Baixas). It was crisp and dry, with a tart fruity punch at the end. Lovely…and served cold… as we know is not my favorite. Still lovely.

First up was the escargot and mushrooms. Again, if you turned your nose up at escargot, please go join the others who don’t like dining on the beach. I bet you’re the same people… Delecately cooked mushrooms and escargot, covered in a creamy cheese yumminess, or as described, Parmesan cheese. We found it a bit light on the garlic but a tasty morsel. Not turning down escargot when we can get it. We also shared the wahoo carpaccio, which was delightful. Give me a fish sliced thin and untouched by fire and I’m a happy man. This didn’t disappoint. Topped with a light seaweed salad and the soy sauce far enough away it was wonderful, every so lightly seasoned, almost smokey.

A quick aside before the main course. When out to dinner with a friend or lover, a few words of advice.

1. Unless you have an alergy that will kill you on sight, stop customizing the fucking menu items! Good lord, they are on the menu that way because the chef knows something about putting food together to make a great dish. Don’t assume that because you didn’t like anchovies when your drunk uncle threw one at you when you were 5 that it won’t work in the dish you’re considering. As an alternative you can just stay at Applebees and keep eating off the kids menu. Amature.

2. Unless you are placed at a table for two with a complete stranger, put down the phone and communicate with your mouth. There are only so many times that we can put the world aside and enjoy the company of other people and a good meal, so take advantage. I assure you, Instagram will still be there (the only pics we take are of great presentation, but I’m not posting while I’m eating). If you don’t like the person at your table that much, why are you out with them in the first place?

Ok, that’s done, but sound advice to the ladies at the next table. Misery at a meal. Please go home.

Ok, main dish time. My lovely bride had the Snapper “Old Amsterdam”, a filet of snapper crusted with Old Amsterdam cheese, seasonings and bread crumbs. I opted for the Blackened Mahi with mango salsa. Both were our server, Lotte’s favorite fish dishes. Anytime I order fish I say the same little prayer, “please don’t dry out the fish.” Again the dining gods smiled on us, and both dishes were flakey and moist (try making anything else sound good using those words, I dare you), and paired nicely with the mashed potatoes, upon which everything at Barefoot is served unless noted. Now remember, we weren’t all that hungry coming in. Lotte ended up taking two empty plates from us when we were done. We didn’t feel too full, just satisfied. When I’m on an island, I want seafood. Mission accomplished.

We sat for awhile longer just talking about the trip so far and finishing our wine. We did feel the need for something sweet, and key lime pie gets me every time. Theirs was different. It was light and fluffy, almost like a whipped cheesecake, with the clean tart taste you would expect. The strawberry coulis, while tasty, was overpowering in some bites. I would have put it way on the side so as not to take away from an otherwise delightful pie. A couple of boozy coffees (because, you know, booze) and we were on our way in the cab they called for us prior to our check arriving. Service, service, service.

The service was wonderful from arrival. Actually the reservation process is where it began, prompt email back with available times, easy booking. The champagne on arrival was a classy touch, and the servers were both knowledgeable and friendly, while never overburdening us. They were present as needed, and left us to enjoy our meal in peace. I noticed other tables having the same experience, with many hugging their servers after their meals. What a great atmosphere they have going here. While the cab ride back was something out of Mad Max (if it took place in a 2004 Rav-4 on narrow island streets with a transmission that sounded like it was about to fall out), but we made it in tact, ready for our next fat, drunk band fancy experience.

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